Healing the Worthiness Wound

Growing up, I had overachiever/workaholic tendencies- first in school, and later at work.

My productivity was linked to my worthiness. The more I worked, the worthier I was- of love, of attention, of validation.

When I got really sick, and wasn’t able to work for 2 years, I replaced this wound with healing. I felt a compulsive need to always be finding the next modality, the next mindset shift that would heal me. I always felt like I needed to be doing MORE treatments, taking MORE supplements, seeing MORE doctors, listening to MORE podcasts, reading MORE books. Of course this was all healthy to a degree, but I would beat myself up if I didn’t notice changes in my life, thinking that I wasn’t doing enough.

I started to realize that I couldn’t heal this worthiness wound by trying to DO more. The answer, although it didn’t make sense to my logical mind, was actually DOING less and BEING more. This meant more stillness, more connection with myself, giving myself permission to do nothing and rest, playing, reminding myself everyday that I was worthy- no matter how much I’m doing or not doing- and taking a break from actively “healing,” which actually ended up creating the most healing.

What if I’m worthy doing absolutely nothing? What if I’m worthy when I’m not working AND not actively healing? What if this in fact is the most healing for me right now? And what if this is what my body was trying to teach me all this time?

So that when I’m ready, I could show up in the world feeling more inherently worthy of everything I desire?