Knowledge Vs Embodiment

What’s the difference between knowledge and embodiment?

Knowledge is the mental learning, repeating, awareness. 

Embodiment is actually living what you learned on a daily basis. 

When I first dove into emotional healing, it was all about gaining as much knowledge as I could. I listened to all the podcasts. Read all the books.

But after time I realized that I wasn’t actually living this knowledge.

I could talk all about boundaries and the importance of setting them, but when it came to setting a boundary I would freeze and avoid.

I could talk all about the nervous system responses, but I was still having extreme experiences of nervous system dysfunction.

I could talk all about taking your power back, but I was still giving my power away on a daily basis, with even small things.

I could talk all about the importance of feeling your feelings, but I was still terrified of feeling mine on deep levels.

It wasn’t until I started doing somatic work that I realized: I had all the mental stuff down, but I was totally disconnected from my body.

And being connected to my body is how I can embody and live this knowledge.

Through body- based modalities such as somatic coaching, emotional release, and breathwork, I created more safety to be in my body, which led to feeling more connected to myself, which led to actually integrating all of the knowledge and living it.

Knowledge is power. Awareness is power. And embodiment creates even deeper levels of empowerment.

What is “Embodiment?”

When I first saw the word “embodiment,” I had no idea what it meant. I saw “embodiment coaches” and “embodiment exercises” on Instagram and wondered if this was just another trendy buzzword.

For me, I couldn’t really understand what embodiment meant until I experienced what it meant to truly be in my body- which happened during my first breathwork session. It was the first time I felt truly aware and present in my body while feeling safe. And it made me realize how I had lived my whole life escaping my body for protection.

I started doing breathwork on a regular basis and also started working with a somatic coach. Our sessions involved me noticing the sensations and emotions in my body as I spoke, becoming aware of what trauma responses felt like in the body, noticing when my nervous system was activated, and doing lots of inner child and parts work. I became better at noticing what certain emotions felt like in my body and over time created more safety in my body to feel and process them.

And over time, I discovered what “embodiment” meant for me- becoming more aware of my body on a daily basis. Acknowledging the wisdom and intelligence of my body. Involving my body in decisions, checking in with it throughout the day. Noticing the emotions coming up, where I feel them in my body, and determining what I need to do. Feeling more connected to my intuition and trusting myself more. Overall, living life with a greater awareness of my body.

As a society we are so disconnected from our bodies, living life on auto-pilot and unaware of how our thoughts, behaviors, and actions are affecting our bodies- and how trauma in our bodies is affecting our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. I lived this way for most of my life. And when we operate solely from our minds, we miss out on all of the information our body has to share.

Becoming aware of our bodies allows us to heal limiting beliefs and unhealthy patterns from not only our minds but from our bodies as well, where trauma is stored. This allows for mind-body congruence- which can provide deeper healing than mindset work alone. And when we have mind-body congruence, we can actually start to embody and radiate love, joy, abundance, empowerment, and confidence.

If you feel like embodiment is something you would like to explore, book a free clarity call here, book a breathwork session here, or email me at hello@laurenjill.com for my coaching package options.

Healing the Worthiness Wound

Growing up, I had overachiever/workaholic tendencies- first in school, and later at work.

My productivity was linked to my worthiness. The more I worked, the worthier I was- of love, of attention, of validation.

When I got really sick, and wasn’t able to work for 2 years, I replaced this wound with healing. I felt a compulsive need to always be finding the next modality, the next mindset shift that would heal me. I always felt like I needed to be doing MORE treatments, taking MORE supplements, seeing MORE doctors, listening to MORE podcasts, reading MORE books. Of course this was all healthy to a degree, but I would beat myself up if I didn’t notice changes in my life, thinking that I wasn’t doing enough.

I started to realize that I couldn’t heal this worthiness wound by trying to DO more. The answer, although it didn’t make sense to my logical mind, was actually DOING less and BEING more. This meant more stillness, more connection with myself, giving myself permission to do nothing and rest, playing, reminding myself everyday that I was worthy- no matter how much I’m doing or not doing- and taking a break from actively “healing,” which actually ended up creating the most healing.

What if I’m worthy doing absolutely nothing? What if I’m worthy when I’m not working AND not actively healing? What if this in fact is the most healing for me right now? And what if this is what my body was trying to teach me all this time?

So that when I’m ready, I could show up in the world feeling more inherently worthy of everything I desire?

Using Gratitude to Bypass Healing

I discovered the power of gratitude years ago, when I got really sick with Lyme, coinfections, mold toxicity, and everything else that comes along with it.

At the time, I was too sick to leave my apartment for anything other than doctor appointments. I started keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before bed I would write down a few things I was grateful for that day. It helped me to retrain my brain to find good things each day at a time when I hit rock-bottom.

I began to realize how powerful gratitude was, and I started thinking OK, maybe I should be grateful for everything that’s showing up in my life, because it’s teaching me lessons, and it’s triggering me so that I could have more awareness and grow and heal on deeper levels. And yes, all of this is true. I do have gratitude for everything I’ve been through.

And, but- I was using gratitude to bypass the deeper healing. I noticed that when difficult things were happening in my life, and the emotions became too overwhelming, I would tell myself “I should feel grateful for this experience.” I was using gratitude to avoid doing the deeper healing, which involves feeling, allowing, and processing intense emotions.

I learned that while gratitude is super powerful, I can’t use it to control my healing- to speed things up because I want to make things better more quickly.

I have been learning to hold both- gratitude AND emotional healing. Gratitude AND acknowledgement that life can be challenging, and there’s nothing wrong with me for feeling that way. Gratitude AND taking all the time I need to heal. Gratitude AND support because sometimes it’s too much to process alone. Gratitude AND compassion for myself.

Being vs. Doing

Before Lyme, I was go go go. I worked a lot, did yoga a few times a week, met friends for dinner (sometimes all of this in the same day) and pushed myself even when I was tired. Weekends were filled with back-to-back activities or day trips. Over the summers when I was off from school, I spent long days acting on set. I had FOMO and felt liked I always needed to be doing something to be productive.

Enter Lyme. It came in slowly, and then completely knocked me out. I was bedridden, had to stop working, and couldn’t do anything. Forget about yoga or dinner- I couldn’t even cook, clean, shower, or do errands. I was forced to just BE. To lie in bed and do nothing.

At first, this was really difficult. I felt guilty and mad at myself for not being able to do anything.

Eventually I let myself be. Be angry, be sad, be embarrassed, be scared, be happy. I meditated and listened to music. I lay there feeling all the emotions, while trying not to judge myself.

I eventually realized that being is just as productive as doing. By being, I was learning more about myself than ever before. I was too busy “doing” before to really get to know myself. “Being” helped me have more clarity in exactly what I should be doing. It taught me to stay present and listen to my body. It showed me my strengths, and what I needed to work on to become more authentic and happy. It was when I was most creative and open to new ideas.

Now that I have more energy, I’m able to “do” more most days. But I make sure I have a good chunk of time each day to just be. And I realized that’s the key- finding the balance between being and doing.