Understanding Shame

I don’t think I truly understood what shame felt like in my body until I realized it was the “cringe” feeling I often experienced.

When I was embarrassed, awkward, felt self-conscious, insecure, wanted to hide, was overthinking and overplaying scenarios in my head. 

I felt shame for who I was. What happened to me. What I did to others, even if I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt them. 

There was so much shame behind every part of me that I repressed, held back, couldn’t embrace. 

This shame was woven into my identity, causing me to repress so many parts of myself. 

Understanding shame brought so many epiphanies into my life. Family rules, societal rules are built around shame. If we don’t comply with these “rules,” it could feel like rejection and death- because in the past, being rejected from our families or from society could have literally resulted in death. We feel this from our ancestors, and from the collective today- as this still goes on in some parts of the world.

Shame is there to keep us feeling “safe,” and “connected,” but it also keeps us stuck and prevents us from being free. From embracing all of our parts. From being our true selves. 

Bringing awareness to our shame, and liberating these parts of us can be extremely challenging, but it is this that allows us to be in our true power. 

Power + Sensitivity

You can be both sensitive and powerful. 

The word “sensitive” can have a negative connotation- it’s often associated with being weak. 

“You’re too sensitive” was a phrase I heard from others throughout my life- others who couldn’t accept and appreciate my sensitivity in the way I needed. Instead, it was often used as an insult when I was upset, and when someone didn’t want to admit they were wrong. 

At the same time, I sometimes felt like my sensitivity was a curse. Like my body and soul were not made for this world that could often feel harsh and cruel. 

So I avoided, I hid, I stayed small, because it was easier that way. 

After releasing deep layers of anger that I had suppressed for my entire life in an emotional release session, I felt a power- a life force energy- flood my body. 

I felt my power and strength for the first time in my life.

And I realized that the combination of both sensitivity and power- healthy use of power- is one of the most potent combinations for healing the world. 

Pic: @timdajan @emotionalreleases

Embracing Emotions as a Key to Liberation

I used to be afraid my my emotions. 

They seemed too overwhelming, too overpowering. Too uncomfortable. I was afraid to feel.  I was afraid to let go of control. 

They were messy and unpredictable. I didn’t like messy and unpredictable- I liked neat, controlled boxes. 

I suppressed them. I held them in. I pushed them away. I resisted them. 

And then the dam broke and it all came out. And I finally learned that:

My emotions are messengers. For parts of me that want to be seen. That want to be heard. That want to know they matter. 

My emotions are teachers, teaching me more about myself than I’ve ever known. They teach me about my triggers, my shadows, my limiting beliefs. 

My emotions are connectors, showing me how to connect and listen to my body on even deeper levels. 

My emotions are healers- showing me where I need to heal. Showing me what I’m missing. 

My emotions are my path to freedom. 

Pic: @timdajan @emotionalreleases

Dancing With Grief

Grief. It can be painful, overwhelming, overpowering, uncontrollable, uncomfortable. It can feel like loss, emptiness. It can feel like darkness, a void, death. It can feel like you are consumed in darkness. It’s sometimes interlaced with anger and disappointment.

It can feel like intense emotional and physical pain in different parts of your body. It can feel never-ending, all-encompassing. It can feel like a hole in your heart. It can feel like your heart is broken open and maybe it will never feel ok again. It can feel like a fear of “what if this doesn’t go away?”

Grief can also feel cleansing, renewing, life-altering. It can help you see things in a new way. It can give you more clarity on a situation. It can help bring awareness to beliefs and emotions that were previously hidden.  It can highlight what’s important to you. It can help you stay present. It can help unearth unhealthy patterns and dynamics.

Sending love to anyone who is dancing with grief, feeling the ups and downs of it, knowing that it’s ok to experience it all. 

Coming Into Deep Presence

One of the things I love about somatic work, emotional release, breathwork, and sound healing is that it brings us into a space of deep presence.

This is a state we tend to avoid by distracting ourselves, keeping ourselves busy, numbing out. 

Which makes sense because we can’t hide from ourselves in this state of deep presence- we see and feel it all. All of the wounds. Our limiting beliefs. Our repressed emotions. Everything holding us back. All the ways we hold ourselves back. 

This can feel scary and overwhelming at times, and/but that’s normal and to be expected.

This is the work. This is the healing. 

This deep presence brings deep healing.