“All We Ever Do- Is All We Ever Knew”

(Currently singing The Head and the Heart song…)

Most of us are running on autopilot, based on our old beliefs and patterns that we took on from caregivers and those around us, especially from ages 0-7, when our brain is like a sponge absorbing everything we see and hear, and taking it on as truth. 

We go through the world, operating on these outdated programs and beliefs, and it can feel REALLY uncomfortable to change them. When these beliefs are challenged, we may get triggered, feel resistance, and go back to what we know to feel safe. Our body is highly intelligent and our subconscious will try anything to keep us in the same loops, because it’s trying to protect us and keep us safe. 

AND

These programs are keeping us stuck and limited. It can be difficult to grow, change, and expand because there is so much resistance to doing so. 

The goal isn’t to resist the resistance but rather lean into it, listen to it, work with it, and integrate it. 

Some ways I have done this are though: somatic work, inner child work and parts work, subconscious reprogramming, breathwork, and energy work. 

Healing the Worthiness Wound

Growing up, I had overachiever/workaholic tendencies- first in school, and later at work.

My productivity was linked to my worthiness. The more I worked, the worthier I was- of love, of attention, of validation.

When I got really sick, and wasn’t able to work for 2 years, I replaced this wound with healing. I felt a compulsive need to always be finding the next modality, the next mindset shift that would heal me. I always felt like I needed to be doing MORE treatments, taking MORE supplements, seeing MORE doctors, listening to MORE podcasts, reading MORE books. Of course this was all healthy to a degree, but I would beat myself up if I didn’t notice changes in my life, thinking that I wasn’t doing enough.

I started to realize that I couldn’t heal this worthiness wound by trying to DO more. The answer, although it didn’t make sense to my logical mind, was actually DOING less and BEING more. This meant more stillness, more connection with myself, giving myself permission to do nothing and rest, playing, reminding myself everyday that I was worthy- no matter how much I’m doing or not doing- and taking a break from actively “healing,” which actually ended up creating the most healing.

What if I’m worthy doing absolutely nothing? What if I’m worthy when I’m not working AND not actively healing? What if this in fact is the most healing for me right now? And what if this is what my body was trying to teach me all this time?

So that when I’m ready, I could show up in the world feeling more inherently worthy of everything I desire?

Having Trouble Meditating?

For so long, I didn’t understand why I felt so much resistance to certain healing modalities such as stillness and meditation.

I would try to create a routine in the morning, and found myself wanting to do anything but that. I would find excuses- I didn’t have time, I didn’t feel well enough, etc. And if I did do it, I couldn’t last more than a minute. Zillions of thoughts would swirl around my head, a song would be playing in the background of my mind, I would feel restless, and then my inner-critic would start judging me for all of this- “You’re not doing it right!”

And then I realized why. My nervous system was programmed to keep myself distracted so I could be safe. The thought of taking quiet time with myself felt terrifying. What would come up? What would I feel? What would I discover? My ego was like, “No thanks.” It was terrified of the growth and breakthroughs, and ultimately change and transformation that comes along with these tools. And the ego doesn’t like change.

It’s been a process, but as I have healed my nervous system through breathwork and somatic work, and have reprogrammed my brain with PSYCH-K®, I now (most days at least- I’m not perfect!) look forward to quiet time and stillness in the morning and before I go to bed.

I have felt what it feels like to totally sink into my body and feel safe and comfortable. What it feels like to observe my thoughts and emotions without becoming overpowered by them. What it feels like to accept the noise and chaos in my head without judging it.

So for everyone feeling resistance to meditation and stillness- you are not alone! And there’s nothing wrong with you. Regulating your nervous system to feel ready for stillness and meditation is not an overnight process - it takes time.

But know that it’s totally possible. We always have the ability to heal and adapt. And we are so powerful!

How PSYCH-K® Helped Me To Heal

A couple of years ago, I saw someone offering a discounted PSYCH-K® session on facebook. Eager to try any new modality to see if it would help, I immediately signed up.

PSYCH-K® is a simple yet powerful process to change subconscious beliefs that are self-limiting and self-sabotaging. I learned that 95% of our cognitive activities are subconscious, which made me realize how powerful healing our subconscious mind can be.

I decided to work on my fear of public speaking- for over 20 years, I would feel a fight or flight response in my body and my mind would go blank whenever I had to talk in front of people I didn’t know. I had a podcast coming up, and I thought it could help. After one session, the thought of public speaking wasn’t daunting, and while doing the podcast a couple of weeks later, the words flowed and I felt the calmest I had ever been in that situation.

I did another session to change my perception on past traumatic events. After the session, I noticed that I felt more neutral and detached towards the situations.

I decided to become certified, and each workshop was filled with more healing, more awareness, more empowerment.

According to Bruce Lipton (author of “Biology of Belief,”) at least 70% of our beliefs are of a self-limiting nature. These beliefs are holding us back from living more fulfilling lives. PSYCH-K® has helped me to become aware of these limiting beliefs in all aspects of my life (health, relationships, career, abundance, confidence, and more) and reprogram my subconscious with beliefs that I want instead.

Since learning and practicing PSYCH-K® regularly, I have felt happier, more confident, more fulfilled, more abundant, and more empowered.

If you would like to book a session, you can do so here.

My Emotional Healing Journey

For most of my life, I was able to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok, when deep down inside I felt depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and unworthiness. Secretly, I judged myself constantly, felt self-doubt, felt like everyone else was better than me, felt like it was the end of the world if people didn’t like me.

When I got really sick and was finally diagnosed with Lyme Disease and a slew of other health issues, I was cracked open, and I couldn’t hide these emotions anymore. They came out with a vengeance, and I felt overwhelmed and out of control. At the same time, I had to go on medical leave from work for two years. I barely had the energy to leave my apartment during this time.

I started reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts, thinking that the more I learned about personal growth and mindset, the quicker I would heal.

I didn’t realize that the actual healing- the actual growth- comes from applying everything I learned to real-life situations.

I started by saying “no” more often, which felt like torture at first. Then I started speaking up to people around me if I was upset- something I never did in the past because I hated confrontation. I started setting boundaries with people close to me. I did this with the help of therapists and friends.

Each no, each confrontation, each boundary- took me way out of my comfort zone. I reached out to people I could trust who reminded me that I needed to do what was best for ME- something I never did before, since I was always trying to be what others wanted me to be.

I left an unhealthy living situation with no plan of where to live, at a time when my health was so bad that I was mostly in bed. I got a divorce. I had to move several more times. I gradually allowed myself to ask and receive support from family and friends.

I felt all the resistance that comes from breaking old patterns and continuously putting myself first. Every single time, fears would set in. I would feel judgment from others who didn’t approve of my choices. Voices would pop into my head telling me I was a horrrible person, that I was making the wrong choices, that it was easier and safer to ignore my intuition.

It was a constant choice to acknowledge these voices, these parts that were terrified, allow myself to see them and feel them, and then remind myself that these stories weren’t true.

I started to see these scared parts as children, reliving past situations and terrified of moving forward.

I began to have more compassion for myself and these parts.

I began to realize that many of the stories I told myself my entire life weren’t true. That they were based on false beliefs and programming.

I stated reprogramming my subconscious with beliefs that I DID want using PSYCH-K. Beliefs full of safety, ease, abundance, empowerment and confidence.

I started working with a somatic trauma coach who helped me to establish safety in my body, so that I could feel and process emotions in a healthy way. I learned about nervous system regulation and trauma responses. We did a lot of inner child work.

I started doing breathwork on a daily basis, learning to connect with my body for the first time- I had always tried to escape my body due to past trauma and chronic illness. Breathwork helped me to release the stuck emotions and old energy in my body.

I started to connect to and trust my intuition.

I followed my intuition and moved over 1,000 miles away- from where I lived most of my life- to live somewhere warmer and sunnier and closer to water.

I started connecting more to nature- soaking in the sun, walking barefoot on the ground, spending time near water.

I started feeling happier each day- truly happier- and found myself responding in healthier ways to situations. Bouncing back from challenges more quickly. Feeling more compassion for myself and others. Feeling more ease and comfortability being myself in new situations. Feeling more FREE.

I’m not perfect. I’m not “healed.” I’m on a journey of healing with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’m back at square one. I still get triggered. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with intense emotions I don’t know how to process. I still need to ask for support.

This all just means I’m human.

But now I’m a human who feels more fulfilled. Who feels more empowered. Who feels more alive. Who feels more confident. Who laughs more. Who loves life. Who sees more beauty in the world.

Who is so excited to help others in similar situations.

I see now that my entire life was training me to help others- which is why I became certified in PSYCH-K® and breathwork- with more to come soon!

I would love to hear from you- feel free to DM me @healingwithlaurenjill on IG!