My Emotional Healing Journey

For most of my life, I was able to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok, when deep down inside I felt depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and unworthiness. Secretly, I judged myself constantly, felt self-doubt, felt like everyone else was better than me, felt like it was the end of the world if people didn’t like me.

When I got really sick and was finally diagnosed with Lyme Disease and a slew of other health issues, I was cracked open, and I couldn’t hide these emotions anymore. They came out with a vengeance, and I felt overwhelmed and out of control. At the same time, I had to go on medical leave from work for two years. I barely had the energy to leave my apartment during this time.

I started reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts, thinking that the more I learned about personal growth and mindset, the quicker I would heal.

I didn’t realize that the actual healing- the actual growth- comes from applying everything I learned to real-life situations.

I started by saying “no” more often, which felt like torture at first. Then I started speaking up to people around me if I was upset- something I never did in the past because I hated confrontation. I started setting boundaries with people close to me. I did this with the help of therapists and friends.

Each no, each confrontation, each boundary- took me way out of my comfort zone. I reached out to people I could trust who reminded me that I needed to do what was best for ME- something I never did before, since I was always trying to be what others wanted me to be.

I left an unhealthy living situation with no plan of where to live, at a time when my health was so bad that I was mostly in bed. I got a divorce. I had to move several more times. I gradually allowed myself to ask and receive support from family and friends.

I felt all the resistance that comes from breaking old patterns and continuously putting myself first. Every single time, fears would set in. I would feel judgment from others who didn’t approve of my choices. Voices would pop into my head telling me I was a horrrible person, that I was making the wrong choices, that it was easier and safer to ignore my intuition.

It was a constant choice to acknowledge these voices, these parts that were terrified, allow myself to see them and feel them, and then remind myself that these stories weren’t true.

I started to see these scared parts as children, reliving past situations and terrified of moving forward.

I began to have more compassion for myself and these parts.

I began to realize that many of the stories I told myself my entire life weren’t true. That they were based on false beliefs and programming.

I stated reprogramming my subconscious with beliefs that I DID want using PSYCH-K. Beliefs full of safety, ease, abundance, empowerment and confidence.

I started working with a somatic trauma coach who helped me to establish safety in my body, so that I could feel and process emotions in a healthy way. I learned about nervous system regulation and trauma responses. We did a lot of inner child work.

I started doing breathwork on a daily basis, learning to connect with my body for the first time- I had always tried to escape my body due to past trauma and chronic illness. Breathwork helped me to release the stuck emotions and old energy in my body.

I started to connect to and trust my intuition.

I followed my intuition and moved over 1,000 miles away- from where I lived most of my life- to live somewhere warmer and sunnier and closer to water.

I started connecting more to nature- soaking in the sun, walking barefoot on the ground, spending time near water.

I started feeling happier each day- truly happier- and found myself responding in healthier ways to situations. Bouncing back from challenges more quickly. Feeling more compassion for myself and others. Feeling more ease and comfortability being myself in new situations. Feeling more FREE.

I’m not perfect. I’m not “healed.” I’m on a journey of healing with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’m back at square one. I still get triggered. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with intense emotions I don’t know how to process. I still need to ask for support.

This all just means I’m human.

But now I’m a human who feels more fulfilled. Who feels more empowered. Who feels more alive. Who feels more confident. Who laughs more. Who loves life. Who sees more beauty in the world.

Who is so excited to help others in similar situations.

I see now that my entire life was training me to help others- which is why I became certified in PSYCH-K® and breathwork- with more to come soon!

I would love to hear from you- feel free to DM me @healingwithlaurenjill on IG!