Being vs. Doing

Before Lyme, I was go go go. I worked a lot, did yoga a few times a week, met friends for dinner (sometimes all of this in the same day) and pushed myself even when I was tired. Weekends were filled with back-to-back activities or day trips. Over the summers when I was off from school, I spent long days acting on set. I had FOMO and felt liked I always needed to be doing something to be productive.

Enter Lyme. It came in slowly, and then completely knocked me out. I was bedridden, had to stop working, and couldn’t do anything. Forget about yoga or dinner- I couldn’t even cook, clean, shower, or do errands. I was forced to just BE. To lie in bed and do nothing.

At first, this was really difficult. I felt guilty and mad at myself for not being able to do anything.

Eventually I let myself be. Be angry, be sad, be embarrassed, be scared, be happy. I meditated and listened to music. I lay there feeling all the emotions, while trying not to judge myself.

I eventually realized that being is just as productive as doing. By being, I was learning more about myself than ever before. I was too busy “doing” before to really get to know myself. “Being” helped me have more clarity in exactly what I should be doing. It taught me to stay present and listen to my body. It showed me my strengths, and what I needed to work on to become more authentic and happy. It was when I was most creative and open to new ideas.

Now that I have more energy, I’m able to “do” more most days. But I make sure I have a good chunk of time each day to just be. And I realized that’s the key- finding the balance between being and doing.