Learning to Love All Your Parts

I’m learning to love all my parts.

The perfectionistic/inner critic part which shows up often, telling me I need to work harder. Do better. Compare myself to others.

The unworthy part that tells me I need to keep going and that it’s unsafe to stop. 

The worrier part that always thinks about the worst-case scenario and is convinced it will happen.

The people-pleasing part that tells me I need to act in certain ways to be worthy of love and acceptance. 

The part that keeps me small and quiet because I’m terrified of judgment and what others will think. 

And many more. 

I always thought the work was talking myself out of the parts, ignoring them, or “mindsetting” them away when in fact the real work is learning to love and accept them.

They want safety, love, and validation- not avoidance and rejection. 

“I see you.”

“I’m here.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“What do you need?”

Every time we give a part what it needs, we integrate it a little more. And we become more free, more balanced, more whole. 

Embracing Emotions as a Key to Liberation

I used to be afraid my my emotions. 

They seemed too overwhelming, too overpowering. Too uncomfortable. I was afraid to feel.  I was afraid to let go of control. 

They were messy and unpredictable. I didn’t like messy and unpredictable- I liked neat, controlled boxes. 

I suppressed them. I held them in. I pushed them away. I resisted them. 

And then the dam broke and it all came out. And I finally learned that:

My emotions are messengers. For parts of me that want to be seen. That want to be heard. That want to know they matter. 

My emotions are teachers, teaching me more about myself than I’ve ever known. They teach me about my triggers, my shadows, my limiting beliefs. 

My emotions are connectors, showing me how to connect and listen to my body on even deeper levels. 

My emotions are healers- showing me where I need to heal. Showing me what I’m missing. 

My emotions are my path to freedom. 

Pic: @timdajan @emotionalreleases

What Is Self-Love?

I used to think that self-love meant focusing on the parts of me that I do love, looking in the mirror every day and telling myself “I love you.”

But I’ve been learning that true self-love means accepting and embracing all parts of me- my shadows and imperfections.

It means digging deep into my suffering and my triggers to embrace the totality of who I am.

Being brave enough to truly explore the shadows.

Truly feeling and acknowledging the pain and the darkness.

Learning to hold the pain just as much as the love.

How to Shift Energy When Feeling Stagnant

There are so many times I’ve felt stuck- like nothing was changing, nothing was happening, and I didn’t know the next step to take. I felt stagnant, uninspired, and unmotivated.

During these times, instead of waiting for something outside of me to change, I found that what works best is shifting MY energy. 

Here are some ways I shift my energy:

Movement- incorporating movement in/throughout my day. I love dancing, so I started dance parties every day- even if I only had the time/energy for one song.

Sound- taking deep sigh breaths, screaming into a pillow, toning (alllowing myself to make sounds like “ahhhh, ooooh.”)

Breath- I like using the Pause breathwork app but you could also just take deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth, or find a free breathwork meditation on YouTube. 

Incorporating something new into my daily routine- for me this looked like recording a letter I wrote from my future self a year from now, and listening to it every morning and really feeling into/visualizing it. I also started baking new recipes and taking some online courses.

Change of scenery- traveling, exploring a new place nearby, or taking a different walking route.

The Power of Being Seen and Accepted

On my usual walk the other day, I stopped to talk with my homeless friend. In the middle of the conversation he said “You are a gift from God. I was in a rough place and it feels like you are an angel coming to me at exactly the right time.” I didn’t do anything special. I just gave him acknowledgment and attention. 

This made me think of a need we all have. To be seen and accepted- for exactly who we are. It sounds so simple, yet we live in a world with so much judgment, so much expectation, so much disconnection and distraction from the present moment. We live in a world where we place expectations on people and then get disappointed when they don’t live up to them. We live in a world of “shoulds.” A world where we place people in boxes to make ourselves feel more safe. We live in a world where it’s easier to be “right” than to take the time to truly understand others and where they are coming from. 

And it made me realize the big shifts that can occur when we are given the space to be acknowledged, seen, heard, and accepted. The amount of safety, growth and clarity that comes with that. The permission it gives us to be who we truly are. The knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are. The freedom that comes with the knowing that’s it’s safe and welcome to be our true self. The amount of space it gives us to do the same for others. And the magnitude this ripple effect could have. 

This made me feel so grateful for the wonderful people in my life who show up with unconditional acceptance, who always hold the space for me feel seen and heard. To be fully appreciated for who I am and what I bring to the connection.