Coming Into Deep Presence

One of the things I love about somatic work, emotional release, breathwork, and sound healing is that it brings us into a space of deep presence.

This is a state we tend to avoid by distracting ourselves, keeping ourselves busy, numbing out. 

Which makes sense because we can’t hide from ourselves in this state of deep presence- we see and feel it all. All of the wounds. Our limiting beliefs. Our repressed emotions. Everything holding us back. All the ways we hold ourselves back. 

This can feel scary and overwhelming at times, and/but that’s normal and to be expected.

This is the work. This is the healing. 

This deep presence brings deep healing. 

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Why do we self- sabotage?

We get the job we always wanted. We have a chance to explore a relationship with someone who initially seems great. We have the opportunity to make a lot of money. And then...

We don’t follow up. We ghost. We turn things down. Then we get mad at ourselves for messing things up. Or, we wonder why nothing in our life is changing. 

It’s important to note- there’s nothing inherently wrong with you! 

We self- sabotage because 

1. There are parts of us that are scared and hold us back because they are trying to keep us safe. These parts are usually created in childhood, when we created a survival strategy in order to feel safe, because we didn’t have the capacity to process emotions or understand situations like we do now. 

2. We were programmed by society (our parents, teachers, media) to have certain beliefs or ways of doing things, and these are playing in our subconscious. Programming might look like “money doesn’t grow on trees!” Or “You’re a big boy- don’t cry!” Or “If you buy these clothes and do your makeup like x, you will be more attractive.”

As we bring awareness to these parts of us that we may try to repress or hide, we can begin to unshame these parts that served an intelligent purpose at one time- to keep us safe. 

We can start to find acceptance for these parts, knowing that they get to exist but they no longer need to run the show. 

We can reprogram limiting beliefs using subconscious reprogramming techniques.

This allows us to feel more liberation in our system, as all of the energy that was spent repressing parts of ourselves can now be channeled into creativity and expression, allowing us to fully embrace our gifts and who we came here to be. 

Sitting With Uncertainty

We live in a world of instant gratification- we can order something on Amazon and get it the same day- and instant knowing- we can google something and get the answer in seconds. We come to expect this in our life- when we need to make a decision or choose a path, we may expect to immediately know, to immediately get answers. And maybe if we don’t trust ourselves, we may seek externally for the answer, either by asking others what we should do or making a logical decision based on what we “should” do.

We don’t know how to sit in the unknown and sit with the uncertainty. We don’t know how to be in this void space of nothingness. 

Taking action- even if it’s uninspired- feels safer than non-action. 

Which makes sense- it’s scary and uncomfortable. 

And, ironically, it is often here- in the void- where our answers lie. It is when we can sit with the unknowing that we start to find clarity, and when we sit with the uncertainty that we start to find our truth. 

Having Trouble Meditating?

For so long, I didn’t understand why I felt so much resistance to certain healing modalities such as stillness and meditation.

I would try to create a routine in the morning, and found myself wanting to do anything but that. I would find excuses- I didn’t have time, I didn’t feel well enough, etc. And if I did do it, I couldn’t last more than a minute. Zillions of thoughts would swirl around my head, a song would be playing in the background of my mind, I would feel restless, and then my inner-critic would start judging me for all of this- “You’re not doing it right!”

And then I realized why. My nervous system was programmed to keep myself distracted so I could be safe. The thought of taking quiet time with myself felt terrifying. What would come up? What would I feel? What would I discover? My ego was like, “No thanks.” It was terrified of the growth and breakthroughs, and ultimately change and transformation that comes along with these tools. And the ego doesn’t like change.

It’s been a process, but as I have healed my nervous system through breathwork and somatic work, and have reprogrammed my brain with PSYCH-K®, I now (most days at least- I’m not perfect!) look forward to quiet time and stillness in the morning and before I go to bed.

I have felt what it feels like to totally sink into my body and feel safe and comfortable. What it feels like to observe my thoughts and emotions without becoming overpowered by them. What it feels like to accept the noise and chaos in my head without judging it.

So for everyone feeling resistance to meditation and stillness- you are not alone! And there’s nothing wrong with you. Regulating your nervous system to feel ready for stillness and meditation is not an overnight process - it takes time.

But know that it’s totally possible. We always have the ability to heal and adapt. And we are so powerful!