What If- Sometimes- Being in “Victim Mentality” Is a Necessary Part of the Healing Process?

Let’s talk about victim mentality.

There’s tons of mindset talk out there about getting out of victim mentality- letting go, forgiving, rising up, choosing better thoughts. 

All of this is important and helpful.

AND for people who have experienced unprocessed abuse and trauma, telling them to get out of victim mentality is actually equivalent to telling them to bypass their reality- their experience and their emotions.

Being in victim mentality can be part of the healing process. Sometimes our nervous system can be in such a deep freeze that when we finally feel safe enough for it to start “thawing out,” we may go from feeling numb to feeling the powerlessness, the helplessness, the anger, the rage, the unfairness, the shame, and the guilt before we can start to truly heal.

This is the time we learn to safely feel and process our emotions- to allow ourselves to feel anger if we always suppressed it, to learn to set boundaries, to stand up for ourselves- all which ultimately helps us take our power back. 

Cultivating Safety From Within

I used to be addicted to “knowing”- I couldn’t get enough. I would constantly consume information, courses, social media posts, podcasts.

And then I realized that I had a belief that the more knowledge I had, the safer I would be. 

I had untangle the belief that safety meant always knowing, absorbing info, constantly listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos.

That my safety was based on external people and situations. 

Of course this is helpful and important to a degree.

But I learned that safety is not something I could find from outside information. 

Safety is a feeling I needed to cultivate from within- by learning to be in my body, connect to my body, listen to my body. By healing trauma, patterns, and beliefs stored in my body. 

Having Trouble Meditating?

For so long, I didn’t understand why I felt so much resistance to certain healing modalities such as stillness and meditation.

I would try to create a routine in the morning, and found myself wanting to do anything but that. I would find excuses- I didn’t have time, I didn’t feel well enough, etc. And if I did do it, I couldn’t last more than a minute. Zillions of thoughts would swirl around my head, a song would be playing in the background of my mind, I would feel restless, and then my inner-critic would start judging me for all of this- “You’re not doing it right!”

And then I realized why. My nervous system was programmed to keep myself distracted so I could be safe. The thought of taking quiet time with myself felt terrifying. What would come up? What would I feel? What would I discover? My ego was like, “No thanks.” It was terrified of the growth and breakthroughs, and ultimately change and transformation that comes along with these tools. And the ego doesn’t like change.

It’s been a process, but as I have healed my nervous system through breathwork and somatic work, and have reprogrammed my brain with PSYCH-K®, I now (most days at least- I’m not perfect!) look forward to quiet time and stillness in the morning and before I go to bed.

I have felt what it feels like to totally sink into my body and feel safe and comfortable. What it feels like to observe my thoughts and emotions without becoming overpowered by them. What it feels like to accept the noise and chaos in my head without judging it.

So for everyone feeling resistance to meditation and stillness- you are not alone! And there’s nothing wrong with you. Regulating your nervous system to feel ready for stillness and meditation is not an overnight process - it takes time.

But know that it’s totally possible. We always have the ability to heal and adapt. And we are so powerful!