Learning To Feel It All

My life changed when instead of trying to be happy all of the time, I realized my goal was to be able to hold all of the emotions- grief, fear, sadness, and joy, love, happiness - more deeply, more safely, more expansively.

I used to think that the goal in life was to feel happy all of the time.

I thought it was only safe to think positive thoughts. I pushed away “negative” uncomfortable emotions because they felt too intense, overwhelming, and scary.

And then a chaotic mix of events taught me that what was keeping me from experiencing more happiness was actually avoiding feeling the more difficult emotions.

I was in a nervous system freeze state and my body was terrified of feeling. Expanding my nervous system’s window of tolerance (healthy range of feeling) allowed me start feeling all the emotions on deeper levels. Which felt scary at first, but also liberating.

As I continued to surrender to some intense, dark emotions, I would emerge as a new version of myself- one that was able to feel more safety and surrender in the dark so that I could feel even more love, joy, power, creativity, aliveness. One that realized the more we face and embrace our fears, the more we can experience the beauty of the world.

This is an ongoing process. A work in progress. 

AND I feel more resilient. Deeper connection. More OK with the inevitable ups and downs.

Life is so much richer and fuller. And I’m here for all of it.