Waking Up From “Autopilot” Mode

For most of my life, I lived how I thought I should. I made “responsible” decisions. 

I didn’t actually know what I wanted, so I lived life on autopilot, moving through each day, each week, each month in a way that felt stable and secure. And while there were obstacles, I kept on going. I did things because I thought I should. I got tenure at my job. I got married. I thought I was happy. 

Then I got really sick and my whole world crumbled down. I could barely get out of bed. I had to go on medical leave from my job. I had to use my savings on medical treatments. I ended up getting a divorce. And moving several times. I went back to work part-time and got laid off. 

The next few years felt like a mix of chaotic events that forced me to get to know myself more and decide, for the first time in my life, what I really wanted. 

In order to create this new life, I had to learn to get in touch with my intuition and really trust my own guidance system as I made decisions and choices that I know looked “crazy” on the outside. 

I moved from NY (where I had lived my whole life) to Florida, leaving behind friends and family and only knowing a couple of family members. 

I used my savings studying a lot of modalities that helped me heal, so I could help others. 

I rented an apartment before finding a job, because it felt right and I felt very strongly it would show up shortly after (which it did.)

I learned to trust my intuition and trust life, even when it felt like things weren’t making sense. Even when it felt like I was making “irresponsible” decisions. 

As I continue to create a new life that is exactly what I want, on my own terms, I look back and realize why all of the shake-ups were there. They were painful. They were hard- unbearable at times. But they were there to shift me out of my comfort zone. To have me experience new situations. To have me meet new people. To completely catapult me out of my autopilot life into the life of my dreams. 

Five Ways to Feel More Empowered While Healing

Disempowerment.

That can be major side effect of chronic illness, which strips away our dreams, our goals, our entire life and leaves us feeling powerless.

We give our power away to doctors. We deal with doctors who invalidate us or tell us diagnoses that we know feel wrong, but we listen to them because we are desperate to get answers.

We give our power away to toxic people. We deal with toxic people who tell us our symptoms are in our head and our treatments are crazy, and we question everything we are doing.

We give our power away to others we don’t even know. We compare ourselves to others, especially on social media, and then wonder why we aren’t getting better as quickly and question if we are doing something wrong. Or we feel bad being honest about how we feel because other people “have it worse.”

So how do we take our power back?

1) We follow our intuition and trust what we feel. Only we know if a doctor feels off, if a treatment feels wrong, if we feel worse or better. We don’t let anyone convince us that how we feel is wrong.

2) We don’t let people make us feel a certain way. There will always be people that test us and trigger us, but we have the power to respond rather than react. We have the choice to not take things personally and to remind ourselves that if people are judging our medical decisions, that says more about them than us.

3) We feel our emotions. All of them are valid. By suppressing or resisting them, they become overpowering and we can feel like they are in control of us. But actually sitting with and feeling difficult emotions is extremely powerful and healing.

4) We realize everyone is on a different path, and everyone’s body and medical situation is completely different. Just because one person responds well to a certain treatment doesn’t mean that it will work for us. And that’s ok. We realize we are all doing our best to get better, and that will look different for everyone.

5) We take all the energy that we spend worrying about things we can’t control (symptoms, flare-ups, diagnoses) and instead put it into things we can control, like giving ourselves what we need in the moment ( rest, sleep, a long cry, a bath, going out with friends, texting someone, etc.) and taking care of ourselves like we do others.

No matter what others say or do, and no matter how we feel, we can always make empowering choices during in each moment.