Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Why do we self- sabotage?

We get the job we always wanted. We have a chance to explore a relationship with someone who initially seems great. We have the opportunity to make a lot of money. And then...

We don’t follow up. We ghost. We turn things down. Then we get mad at ourselves for messing things up. Or, we wonder why nothing in our life is changing. 

It’s important to note- there’s nothing inherently wrong with you! 

We self- sabotage because 

1. There are parts of us that are scared and hold us back because they are trying to keep us safe. These parts are usually created in childhood, when we created a survival strategy in order to feel safe, because we didn’t have the capacity to process emotions or understand situations like we do now. 

2. We were programmed by society (our parents, teachers, media) to have certain beliefs or ways of doing things, and these are playing in our subconscious. Programming might look like “money doesn’t grow on trees!” Or “You’re a big boy- don’t cry!” Or “If you buy these clothes and do your makeup like x, you will be more attractive.”

As we bring awareness to these parts of us that we may try to repress or hide, we can begin to unshame these parts that served an intelligent purpose at one time- to keep us safe. 

We can start to find acceptance for these parts, knowing that they get to exist but they no longer need to run the show. 

We can reprogram limiting beliefs using subconscious reprogramming techniques.

This allows us to feel more liberation in our system, as all of the energy that was spent repressing parts of ourselves can now be channeled into creativity and expression, allowing us to fully embrace our gifts and who we came here to be. 

“All We Ever Do- Is All We Ever Knew”

(Currently singing The Head and the Heart song…)

Most of us are running on autopilot, based on our old beliefs and patterns that we took on from caregivers and those around us, especially from ages 0-7, when our brain is like a sponge absorbing everything we see and hear, and taking it on as truth. 

We go through the world, operating on these outdated programs and beliefs, and it can feel REALLY uncomfortable to change them. When these beliefs are challenged, we may get triggered, feel resistance, and go back to what we know to feel safe. Our body is highly intelligent and our subconscious will try anything to keep us in the same loops, because it’s trying to protect us and keep us safe. 

AND

These programs are keeping us stuck and limited. It can be difficult to grow, change, and expand because there is so much resistance to doing so. 

The goal isn’t to resist the resistance but rather lean into it, listen to it, work with it, and integrate it. 

Some ways I have done this are though: somatic work, inner child work and parts work, subconscious reprogramming, breathwork, and energy work.